The other day my wife found a New Years resolution I typed out. It stated:
"I Steve hereby make the following resolutions:
1. Lose weight
2. Defeat procrastination
3. To rid the house of all clutter
4. To spend more quality time with family
I also stated:
The purpose of these resolutions are to improve my life and by doing so improve the lives of those around me. These resolutions that WILL be kept all year when executed will help my overall being. This will create less stress and tension making me feel better about myself, and be more enjoyable to be around. These will also improve my health. I would like to see my kids graduate college or make something of their lives. The end result (hopefully) will be a dramatic transformation of the positive kind. And maybe this time next year most people that know me will not recognize me."
When did I type this gung ho piece of work? For the year 2006. I am heavily into the laws of attraction and felt that if I typed it it would come true or at least help. But notice the word "hopefully" in parentheses. This showed I had doubt. That doubt plagues me to this day. Since 2006 I have probably gained 50 pounds. The house is still cluttered. Oh and my procrastination is still an enemy. Not as bad but is still there. I did improve with the spending time with family part.
Yesterday was not a good day in my head. I beat myself up because I knew that once my wife said she found this document she must think "What a loser!" But she didn't. She gave me words of encouragement. I know she probably has a "I believe it when I see it." approach with me because I tend to get fired up but then lose my momentum. Ten years ago she dropped many pounds and has managed to keep it off despite stress of being a trucker's wife and having 2 kids. We used to do Weight Watchers together and I lost 20 pounds doing that. But because of some inner demon, some lack of confidence I gained it back and then some.
In short I hate what I have become. I hate myself for the failure I am. A really good heavy metal band has some lyrics that said, "Time to progress, time for a change, Forget the past, for now I am shedding skin." That band is mine. Those lyrics are mine. Time for me to practice what I preach.........But how?
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3 comments:
Wow - I think there's a lot of people that get fired up and lose momentum. But you have managed to do something that I've failed at....you're onstage. You're making music and baring your soul. And unlike so many of us,you are able to see what's important to you and do something about it.
If those resolutions are still important to you, I have no doubt you can accomplish them.
steve, your the coolest person I know and one of the ost successful. Everyone around already knows that if you want it bad enough your going to get it. You might be down about things, but that's how you choose to fight your batltles. Your the underdog who always come out on top. We got yur back man! Gufbal
Hang in there. I too am making the same "get healthy, lose weight" resolution again. I start out good and then get a load that I don't really have time for a work out and then I start making excuses. I have managed to lose 41 pounds since August, and you would think that kind of success would keep me fired up. But no :( but as a friend told me the other day, It matters not how many times you start to get healthy, you are still ahead of those who never do.
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